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I always told myself that things were going to get better in college and I would find people who liked me for who I am, but now I was not so sure if I was right. I became very good at acting like everything was fine, but internally I hated being different. Just my luck, the random roommate selection paired me with a freshman football player.Īfter I came out in high school, I dealt with pretty bad depression revolving around my identity. “Maybe just stay away from the football team”. When I would tell these people that I would be on the track team and couldn't exactly stay away from athletes, they quickly corrected themselves. Much of the advice I had gotten on being gay at Brown was something along the lines of “everyone is so accepting, just maybe not the athletes.” I convinced myself that this place that I had worked so hard to get to would end up being just as bad as high school. I couldn't help but run endless scenarios through my head about my team hating me. I knew that Brown was supposed to be liberal and accepting, but my high school also had a reputation as being liberal. I had only met a small portion of the team on my official visit, so I worried what would happen if everyone else on the team didn’t understand me. Yet as I got closer and closer to arriving on campus this past fall I got increasingly nervous. I immediately knew Brown was the perfect place for me. On my recruiting trip to Brown I met another gay track athlete for the first time.
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While it may have been sappy, for all of high school I just kept telling myself “get to college and everything will be better.” Perhaps the only good that came out of being an outcast was that it motivated me to push myself until I got Division 1 offers. My teammates at least had the dignity to never call me a faggot, but they also didn’t stop other people from calling me one, they would just let me know it happened. I had a few close friend who would regularly call people faggots in front of my face, regardless if that person was gay or not.
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It wasn’t uncommon for me to hear slurs tossed around at practice or in the locker rooms (the few times I went in there). Unfortunately, some of them only did the bare minimum. So my teammates kind of had no choice but to at least respect me for my athletic feats. On the Newton South High School track team in Massachusetts I set three school records, was a Divisional State Champion and runner-up at New England championships. All that really resulted from being out was that I was “different” and had more girlfriends than guy friends.
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I was out in high school, but I never had a relationship or anything.